Living with Fibromyalgia
Marlene Gundlach - June 30, 2008
How Does Fibromyalgia Affect Your Relationships?
Being in pain all the time and constantly feeling tired is no walk in the park. Neither is living with someone who is in pain all of the time. Fibromyalgia can cause emotional stress on family members of the fibromyalgia patient as well. Your family and friends may not completely understand what you are going through, but they will want to help. You probably feel frustrated at the constant questions of “How are you feeling today?”
A lot of added pressure can fall upon the spouse of a fibromyalgia patient, he or she may have to take over making dinner or some household chores due to flare-ups. As much as you need your spouse to listen to you about your pain and frustration, be sure to listen as he or she tries to understand your condition.
It may help to have your spouse come with you to doctor appointments to listen to what the doctor has to say. Pass along some of your favorite websites or look for some books at the library on fibromyalgia. Having more information on what you are experiencing and the road blocks you face may help them to better understand the condition that has invaded your lives.
Another aspect of fibromyalgia that can affect relationships is the fact that you need to start focusing more on you. It is extremely difficult to take care of yourself first, but you must make this shift in priorities. You cannot successfully take care of your family or be a success at work if you do not take care of yourself. You must feel well to do well. Now, you might be thinking “I’m managing okay right now,” and that may be true, but the lack of sleep and constant pain will take its toll. It may take years, but it will happen. Starting to take time for yourself now will help you deal with daily tasks long term.
Working with Fibromyalgia
If your fibromyalgia symptoms are inhibiting your ability to work, you may be at the point where you need to talk with your boss about your condition. Knowing how and when to do this is particular to your specific situation. If your symptoms are making the quality of your work suffer, people may begin to think you are either incompetent or just lazy. This is a case where you could benefit from explaining your condition to your boss. Explaining about the pain and fatigue and how these symptoms sometimes make it very difficult for you to complete your job may help your boss better understand when you must take sick days. It may be harder for your co-workers to understand because they may find that they have to pick up the slack when you are out or not as productive as usual.
If you feel that your job is making your condition worse or you are no longer able to work the hours required to complete your job, then it may be time to look at other options. Working at home may be a viable option, depending upon the type of work you do. You will still need to put in the hours, but will avoid the driving to work and allow you to work more easily around flare-ups. Your co-workers may resent it if you are allowed to work from home, but you can’t let that bother you. Just like we talked about taking care of yourself first, you have to put your needs first when it comes to work and not worry about what others think.
What if You Take a Leave from Work Due to Fibromyalgia?
There may come a point where the demands of your job are too much for you to handle. The Family and Medical Leave Act (”FMLA”) is a federal law that allows workers in most companies to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid time off each year for medical problems. This can be medical issues that the worker suffers from, or it can be to take time to care for a sick family member. If you take a FMLA leave of absence, your employer must hold your position open for you or must offer you a comparable job upon your return. You do not have to take the 12 weeks all at once, but can break it up any way you deem necessary. Your employer must know about your condition and you must tell them about how much time you estimate you will need.
Disability coverage may be another route to take if you continue to feel like you can no longer function effectively at work. If you have tried everything possible to improve the symptoms you suffer from FMS and find that you take a week off or more each month due to your symptoms, disability may be an option. Your doctor may also suggest that you either quit working all together, or at least significantly reduce your hours and this would lead to filing with your company for disability. Check with your company’s human resources department or an employee benefits representative to find out what is available. The Americans with Disabilities Act (”ADA”) can help protect you should you proceed with filing for disability.
Social Security also offers disability if you can no longer work. Documenting your condition is critical and your doctor will need to work with you to file the proper paperwork. It is suggested that you do not apply for disability through Social Security and unemployment at the same time. This may make it look like you are still employable. Because of this, the disability benefits, which are more long term than unemployment, will likely be denied. Sometimes hiring an attorney is helpful when navigating the world of disability benefits. Be sure to find one with experience with disability cases and one who will only collect payment if you receive your payments.
